|
|
Marriage Question
Recently I received an email from someone who had listened to my lesson on marriage on our web page. (The lesson referred to was "Marriage Is A Commitment To God" given on March 27, 2011). He wanted to know what I thought about his situation. His girlfriend got pregnant when he was 18 and she was 16. Their parents forced them to get married before anyone found out there was a pregnancy. He was not in love with her, but they did get married, partly because he was afraid of being charged with statutory rape. He had now found his true love and they were living together. He wanted to know what I thought about his situation. Below is my response.
I appreciate you listening to the sermon on marriage and asking a very difficult question. Perhaps it is made difficult because of our society and personal feelings about this subject. You do not say how old you are, but I know a lot of parents in times past, thought the best thing to do was make their children get married if a pregnancy occurred. That was most unfortunate because a lot of couples were not "in love" as much as "in lust" with each other. Also, starting a marriage is difficult under the best of situations and starting one with a baby is even harder. So I understand the position you found yourself in. Now you mentioned getting married, although you really did not want to and under duress. In the Bible we find marriages where the parent or parents arranged it. Abraham sent a servant back to his homeland to find a wife for Isaac. He returned with Rebecca and she married Isaac, Genesis 24. Later on Jacob bargained for Rachel, but was tricked by his future father-in-law, Laban, and ended up with Leah, who was Rachel's sister, Genesis 29.25. He was not happy with the situation, but he was in fact married to Leah. The fact is, you did get married. You did not say how long that marriage lasted, but I assume you both had the right to get married and you lived together afterward. A marriage did occur. In that marriage you promised before God to love each other and live together until death parted you. The Bible teaches that God binds the man and woman together in marriage, Matthew 19.4-6. The only reason for divorce is sexual immorality, see Matthew 19.9. Since you did not mention that, I am left to believe that was not the reason for you leaving your wife. The scriptures teach us to love each other. Our idea of love is sometimes different from the Bible's definition of love. At times it does refer to the romantic love or fond affection toward someone or something. At other times it refers to an act of the will. We decide we are going to seek the best for the other person regardless of what it costs us. In the Greek language, this is the word Agape, which is translated as love in the Bible. In marriage we are commanded to love our wives, Ephesians 5.25. Wives are told to love their husbands, Titus 2.4. This "love" is not just an emotion, it is a conscious decision we make to seek the best for the other person, no matter what it may cost us. Let me apply this to your situation. You may not have had the romantic love for your wife, but you are commanded to seek what is best for her. This would include you being a good husband and loving father to your baby. What if you don't love your wife? Then the Bible tells us to repent and start doing so. You mentioned co-habiting with someone now. I am a little confused if you are still "married" to the first woman and are now "living" with someone else; or if you got a divorce and are living with the second woman. But I assume you have feelings for this second woman. Do you love her? I am not asking if you have romantic feelings for her, but do you really love her and want what is best for her? If so, then you need to understand that living in adultery is wrong and will cause her soul to be lost. If you truly want what is best for her you will want her to go to heaven. That will include getting out of a sinful relationship and obeying the Gospel of Christ. This may not be the answer you want to hear, but it is what the Bible teaches. Again, I don't know if your marriage is now over or if you can reconcile with your wife, but that would be the best thing to do. Dennis Tucker |