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Eight Rules To A Good Clean Fight Introduction:
Disagreements are a part of life. I know of know one that I agree with all the
time. We often have disagreements at work, with our siblings, between spouses,
and even with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We might even term these as
“fights.” Fights should not be viewed as tragedies but as opportunities.
Venting personal, heart felt, frustrations through lips which have learned how
to do it properly can serve a wonderful purpose. Why it is some people seem to
always win and others lose their arguments? Why it is some couples are always
having the same argument over and over, while others can learn and do better? It
takes skill to have a “good clean fight.” I)
As Yourself, Is it really worth it? A)
People are not perfect and we can be too picky 1.
Your mate will never be perfect and neither will you. 2.
You married that person for a reason. They possess enough good qualities that
you overlooked their bad qualities. B)
Try to see the problem from their point of view, Phil. 2.3-4 1.
The old saying, “Walk a mile in the shoes of your neighbor before you
criticize them.” 2.
Wife may always be at home with the children and want some time out of the
house. 3.
The husband may always be away from home working and want to stay there. II)
Do Not Argue While You Are Angry (Usually brings the response, why would I want
to argue when I am not angry) A)
Anger causes certain responses in our bodies (flush face, additional adrenalin,
higher voice, etc) 1.
These physical reactions usually makes it harder for us to think rationally, Proverbs
17.27; 29.20 2.
We tend to get in the fight or flight mode B)
Take time to cool off 1.
Go for a walk, engage in some activity, pray 2.
Don’t use this as an excuse to give the silent treatment, Ephesians
4.26 3.
Know when to back off and allow the other person to cool off. Don’t push too
hard. 4.
Rule: Only one person can be angry at a time, and the only time to yell is when
the house is on fire. III)
Argue With The Right Person, Proverbs 25.9 A)
Leave other people out of it 1.
Don’t take your anger from the work place out on your family. 2.
Don’t talk to others about your wife/husband, don’t run them down B)
Don’t be a bully and pick on the innocent IV)
Choose The Right Time And Place, Ecc. 3.1-11; Proverbs 25.8 **
This can be hard because we don’t usually have a place marked on our calendar,
“Time to argue.” A)
Have an agreement ahead of time when you will not argue 1.
There are places inappropriate to argue just as there are times that are
inappropriate B)
Wrong times and places 1.
Anytime when other people are around (they don’t want to hear about your
problems) 2.
When time is limited (takes time to have a good argument) 3.
On the way to the church building 4.
When you are tired and hungry (80% of domestic fights are between 5 – 6 PM) V)
Don’t Bring Up Past Fights (Don’t dump on the other person) A)
When you forgive you must forget (hard lesson to learn) Proverbs 17.9 1.
Don’t take time for a history lesson 2.
Stay on the point at hand B)
It is hard enough to solve one problem at a time, don’t try all of them VI)
Argue As A Christian Would With A Fellow Christian, Proverbs 31.26, A)
No name calling (thoughtless labels) 1.
Usually a sign of having a weak argument B)
No throwing objects, trying to do bodily harm (most assaults are in the home) C)
No shouting, Proverbs 15.1 1
Voices tend to rise 2.
Hard to hear the other person when you are yelling at them VII)
Be Prepared To Listen To the Other Side, James 1.19-20 A)
There are usually three sides to every argument: my side, your side, and the
truth. VIII)
Intend On Doing Good A)
Not to hurt the other person B)
To improve and help the other person 1.
Stay on the subject 2.
Don’t overstate the situation
a. You always…
b. You never… 3.
Don’t get in the honey I’m sorry but nothing happens. Conclusion:
“Marriages are made in heaven but the maintenance contract must be on
earth.” As long as everybody is committed to obeying God’s word, any problem
can be worked out. The same goes for our relationship with God. |