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Job #4 How To Comfort Introduction: All of us have had friends, relatives, and neighbors experiencing this like death, injury, illness, etc., that has needed some type of comfort. It seems as if some people just know what to say while others don't. In the case of Job's friends we see the best of intentions but the worse of results, Job 2.13. Think of what Job had lost; his children, wealth, and health. I) At Times Silence is Best A) Their words were of no comfort, Job 13.5 (For 7 days and 7 nights Job's friends said nothing, it was after they started to speak that things go downhill.) 1. Often we feel compelled to say something but that something can be the wrong thing to say. 2. We want to ease the situation but at times words cannot heal the hurt or comfort the broken hearted. 3. It can be hard because we don't know whether to talk about the event or not. a. One complaint people have is no one wanting to talk to them about the event. b. Another problem is that is all people want to talk about. B) Times best to keep silent 1. To keep our foot out of your mouth, Proverbs 21.23; 15.23, 28; 26.4-5 2. To let the other person express their feelings. (Let them vent.) 3. Some don't - be pessimistic, speak about your illnesses, tell horror stories. 4. Some do's -- be optimistic, try to take their mind off of the situation if only for a minute or two, stay for a short while (hospital stays should be relatively short; the sicker the person the shorter the stay). 5. Some sayings to stay away from -- times heals all wounds, after a while you will forget the pain. Fact is most people are afraid of forgetting. C) Be useful 1. What can you do physically-- cook, clean, take care of children, etc. 2. One lady came in to polish the shoes of the family that had lost a loved one. a. Don't just say, "Let me know if there is something I can do?" b. Think on your own what you can do to help. c. Regena's father had a series of strokes and we were going to have to travel from Florida to Oklahoma. On Sunday night a lady of the congregation came to the house and started to fix snacks for our trip. II) Remember The Bereaved Say Things They Do Not Mean A) Job 1. Wishes he had never been born, Job 3.3, 16. 2. God is out to get me, Job 6.4 3. Friends are deceitful, Job 6.15 B) Some things are not to be taken to heart 1. Ecc.7.21-22 people in pain say things they later on regret. 2. The grieving process goes from emotion to logic; generally period of denial and numbness, followed by grief and anger, followed by depression and anxiety, etc. This is normal. III) Beware Of Our Own Insecurities A) This may have been one of the problems with Jobs friends, Job 6.21 (Why is it most people do not like going to a nursing home? Because it reminds us that we may end up there.) 1. Out of our own fears we say things to make us feel better. 2. "He must have sinned" or "This must be God's way of punishing this person". B) There are times it is best to stay out of situations 1. Regena' father was battling cancer and she was pregnant when a lady in the community died from cancer. Going to the funeral was not a good idea. 2. Losing a baby and going to a family having just lost a baby. It may be pretty hard to comfort them. IV) Do Not Try To Play God A) Do not pass judgment, Job 7.20; Bildad, Job 8.2-7 B) Obviously there are things we do not know 1. Deuteronomy 29.29 divine providence cannot be proven or disproven. 2. One reason I do not try to preach people into heaven or hell is because it is not my place to make this judgment. V) Do Not Joke With The Person's Integrity A) In many cases that is all they have left, Job 12.4 1. Job 27.5; 31.6; Proverbs 19.1 2. One's sense of self worth is extremely important. B) Some things all of us want 1. To be able to take care of ourselves, talk so others can understand us, not be a burden on anybody. 2. Do not make light of a bad situation. a. Humor can be good or bad but you need to know the person. b. Regena's father had a good sense of humor but he got his feelings hurt when someone started joking with him about his name not being in the Book of Life. VI) Weep With Those Who Weep A) Romans 12.15 a sign of being a friend is caring enough to weep and rejoice, Acts 9.26,39 (Chicken Noodle for the Soul, story of friendship). Conclusion: Hebrews 12.12-13 we have to depend on each other, Proverbs 18.24.
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