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Marriage Teaches Us About Love Introduction: A few months ago I spoke about marriage and commitment. The promises we make in marriage. One of those promises is to "love" each other. In Ephesians 5 Paul uses the relationship between husband and wife to teach us about the church. He mentions the love the husband is to have for his wife and the love of Christ for His church. A) We may find it easy to say we love God. 1. God is perfect in love and holiness, never committing a sin against us. 2. He never "gets on our nerves" tears us down or treats us unkindly. 3. God is always read to forgive and always has our best interest at heart. B) Yet the real test of our love for God is our obedience to His word and that includes us loving our fellow man, 1 John 4.20-21. That "fellow man" includes our spouses. C) Marriage teaches us about love. 1. How can we say we love God when we do not love our spouse? 2. God who loved us even when we were difficult cant each us to love our spouse even when it is difficult to do so. I) How To Have Love In A Marriage A) You have to decide you are going to love your spouse 1. The world thinks of "love" as an irresistible force that one "falls into", or something you must wait for, that just happens to you without choice. a. Their idea of love is often confused with romantic feelings toward, infatuation, or even lust. b. The Biblical idea of "love" is more than an emotion but it is a decision which leads to the emotion. 2. We choose to love or not love others; for any marriage to work, both the husband and wife must choose to love each other. Genesis 24.67 a. How do you feel about arranged marriages? b. Isaac had to choose to love Rebekkah. Rebekkah had already chosen to marry, i.e. love Isaac. 3. God commands husbands and wives to love one another, Ephesians 5.25; Titus 2.4 B) Love is learned as we practice it (may seem unnatural at first) 1. Marriage is a labor of love; it takes hard work or lots of practice to get it right. 2. No married couple knows how to love one another perfectly from day one; they must continually practice love according to God's word. 3. Older married couples, especially Christians have lots of practice in love and can pass that on to younger couples, Titus 2.3-5. a. Heard it said that I spent 50 years teaching them, now is not the time to start with someone new. C) Love is to increase 1. The goal of every marriage should be to build upon the love that brought them together. 2. Love in marriage should not be allowed to become stagnate or decline, 1 Thess. 4.9-10. a. Do you love your spouse now more than you did when you got married? b. Do you love them more now than last week? II) Marriage Teaches Us To Love, When It Is Difficult A) The Christian is to love others even when it is difficult 1. There is nothing great or unusual about love those who love you, Luke 6.32-34 2. It is when we show love when others treat us badly when our love reflects God's love, Luke 6.35-36. 3. God demonstrated His love toward us while we were yet sinners, Romans 5.6-8. 4. When you love your husband/wife when they don't deserve it, is when we are demonstrating Christ's love. B) When it is difficult to love in marriage, you have to choose to love and not play the blame game 1. Too often when trials come we blame our circumstances for our failure to love our spouse (stress, work, fatigue, sickness, etc). 2 Too often people blame their spouse for their own failure to love like they should (If they were more kind, considerate, thoughtful, loving, etc). a. "The truth is I never loved you" is a confession of failure to obey God. b. The solution is to repent. III) Lessons Of Love Which Marriage Teaches Us A) The Importance of selflessness 1. A single person has the freedom to do what they want because they only answer to God. 2. With marriage there is another person to consider. 3. Marriage requires us to think about the other person and their interest, Phil. 2.3-4 4. In marriage a person must change their mind set and ways or there will be problems, 1 Cor. 13.4-5. a. There is a direct correlation between selfishness and marital strife. b. There is also a direct correlation between your loving someone and their happiness. The more happiness they experience the happier you will be. 5. Once married, life is not about you, but the other person, Deut. 24.5. B) Marriage teaches us to make sacrifices, Luke 9.23 1. Both people will make sacrifices in a marriage. Whether economic sacrifices, or social, or physical it does not matter. 2. At times you may feel that you are making the bigger sacrifice and you might be right but that is what love is about. 3. Marriage can teach a person what it means to truly love someone -- to sacrifice yourself, to lay yourself down for another person, John 15.12-13. a. You might be willing to die for your spouse but are you willing to talk with them, go to the store for them, go shopping with them? b. Marriage requires the big and small sacrifices. C) Marriage teaches us to love another person as ourselves, Matthew 22.37-39 1. The closest "neighbor" we will ever have is our spouse. 2. Just as you are concerned about your own physical, mental, and spiritual well being, to learn to take care of your spouse's well being. 3. By your words and example you do your best to help your spouse go to heaven, 1 Tim. 4.16; 1 Peter 3.1-2. Conclusion: Let us all learn to love as God loved us. Let us show that love is our marriages.
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