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Raising Teenagers (The Age of Opportunity) Introduction: We need to be careful of "self fulfilled prophecy." This applies especially with teenagers. If we talk about how bad things will be when our children become teenagers they may just think they should be bad when they are teenagers. Most teenagers live up to or down to expectations. What is a teenager? A teenager is, a lifetime of possibilities wrapped up in hormones and acne. Mark Twain said, "When a child reaches the age of 13 put them in a barrel with one hole so as to give them food. When they reach the age of 18 plug up the hole." I) Background: Teenagers and OUR Culture A) Before 1850's children grew up at their own level 1. One room schools where everyone was together; students advanced at their own pace; some graduated before 16 years of age; young boys often when to work. 2. Marriage was possible at 13 or 14 years of age; as long as the young man could provide for his family. 3. Watching some television shows such as "Little Rascals" or "Little House on the Prairie" and realize children dressed like adults, spoke like adults, etc. B) After 1850's "Darwin's theory of evolution" was applied to sociology and schools. 1. Children were layered into age groups. One room school houses tried to layer children into age groups. 2. The first public High School was started in 1821 in Philadelphia. C) 1950's and 60's youth became a subculture (dress, music, literature, language, morals, etc. 1. Movies such as "The Blackboard Jungle" and "Rebel Without A Cause" 2. The term "The generation gap" was used to describe this subculture. D) Parents need to understand the teenage years 1. They do not desire correction or wisdom, Proverbs 1.5; 12.1. 2. Wise counsel is often seen as, you are trying to boss me, or you are trying to control me, or you are telling me I am wrong. II) What Can Parents Do To Instill Knowledge & Wisdom A) Young people tend to be legalistic 1. More rules are not the answer: Ex. no TV until you get your homework done. They look for loopholes such as video games, the phone, or having friends over. 2. They often have difficulty in understanding the connection to the rules and what parents want, Proverbs 4.23 a. Which rules to strictly obey and which ones to bend? Ex. Don't go out of the house. What about having friends over? What if there is a fire? b. They don't understand why parents get upset with their friendships, Proverbs 13.20; 1 Corinthians 15.33. c. They don't understand that bad attitudes is contagious and leads to bad behavior with leads to bad results. B) Parents have to teach their children to desire wisdom and make good decisions 1. Not done by labeling or impugning motives. (You're hard headed, or there is no good in that person). 2. Address the problems they are facing. Ex. Sexual temptation, 2 Timothy 2.22 3. Reap what you sow, Galatians 6.7. There is a direct correlation that they do not see. 4. They often feel as if they are blamed for things not their fault; life is unfair. C) Two things every parent should understand 1. They heart is the control center for living. a. Matthew 15.18 the hearts controls the mouth, the hands, and action. b. The key is not their behavior but their heart 2. Do not surrender your job as a parent. Don't quit or just give up. The message of our society is you cannot tell they what to do, but society can. Must understand the balance between freedom and responsibility a. A 15 or 16 year old is not an adult b. One in 10 teenagers that drink will be alcoholics. c. 40% of today's teenage girls will be pregnant by age 19 d. Every 3 seconds a teenager will commit suicide III) Teen Survey (1000 Teens In A "Christian Sports Camp") 85% opposed to premarital sex 92% opposed to recreational use of drugs (including alcohol) A) Why the difference? 1. 95% of boys said their fathers regularly told them "I love you" 2. 91% of parents regularly played games with them 3. 98% of the girls heard I am proud of you or you are doing great 4. 97% of boys got hugs from their dads 5. 100% of girls had stories read to them by their Moms 6. 85% of boys had stories read to them by their Dads 7. 89% of the boys were taken fishing by their Dads 8. 100% of girls taken to Sunday School by parents B) Parents have to be involved 1. 1992 survey of 3000 teenagers, 69% said the strongest influence on their spirituality was their parents. Above their friends or even grandparents 2. They are listening to you so talk to them, plant the seeds 3. Fight for your children; be zealous and jealous IV) How? The closer the light the more powerful its influence. Survey of 30 families studied over 4 years. They were high profile families with very successful parents. A) Parent with intention -- have a vision. They studied 6 businesses; 3 with vision and 3 considered non-visionary. Which ones survived? 1. Vision is necessary in business and in family life. 2. Start early - what kind of a family do you want to have? 3. Decide how you are going to achieve your goal 4. Don't give up until you have reached your goal. (Nothing less). NASA was conducting hearings after the Columbia and Challanger space shuttles disasters. It was noted that there had been 117 flights and only 2 ended in death. Would you get in your car thinking that every 117 trips there would be 2 fatal accidents? B) Life your value system 1. Culture teaches no values. We live in a "valueless" society. 2. In the absence of values, bad values will develop. 3. Parents need to live their religion. 4. A value system makes people better and happier. 5. Deal honestly with sin, Deut. 6.5ff C) Love that is demonstrated 1. Love is learned, Titus 2.4 2. Say the thank you, show tolerance, give a pat on the back, forgive them when they mess up. D) Be involved in good works 1. Provide the example of being a servant, Phil. 2.3-5 2. Teach your children to serve others. E) Take time to laugh, Proverbs 17.22 1. It says I like you, everything is OK, life is good 2. Parents need to relax F) Be transparent, Proverbs 28.13 1. Admit your faults 2. They know when Mom and Dad mess up and cover it up G) Give your children wings (values to take out into the world) 1. Your job is to get them out into the world. 2. To have their own families and life. H) Equip them for tragedies and trials, Proverbs 3.5 1. They will have hard times. Job problems, family problems, etc. 2. Death, or a child born with problems, etc. Conclusion: Teenage years do not have to be bad. Do not make them that way.
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