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Successful Parenting Introduction: Most of us as parents start parenting from the perspective of how we were reared. My parents worked at the factory. They got up at 5:30 AM to go to work at 6:30 and got home around 3:30 PM. We learned to go to bed early. We usually had "Supper" around 4 PM. My Mom one time mentioned that it was early and most families waited until later to eat. That is how I grew up. Parenting is a task that we must learn and adapt to as our children grow up. You cannot treat a teenager like a 5 year old and you cannot treat a 5 year old like a teenager. It is a task that takes about 18 to 20 years before you know whether you did a good job or not. But to be successful we need to think about the following question: "What is my goal in parenting?" Is it just get them out of the house or something more? To be successful we must go by the right principles and apply them correctly. I) What Is The Goal of Child Rearing? A) To mold the way the child thinks and behaves. 1. At first behavior may lead to thinking but eventually thinking comes first and leads to the behavior of the child. 2. But thinking and behavior are directly tied together. a. Exodus 35.21 their hearts were stirred (thinking) and they brought what they had (behavior). i. Our heart leads us to action. ii. What if their heart was not stirred? What would they have then had to do? b. Ezra 7.10 -- once the thinking was right the action followed. B) To instill what is right and wrong in the child, Proverbs 22.6 1. Have you ever been in a social situation where you did not know what to do? A fancy dinner and did not know what proper fork to us or when to start eating, you don't know what to say, etc. It is a miserable situation. 2. Every child wonders how he/she should act. a. Children w/out rules -- place to sit at the table, bed time, etc. are unhappy. They want to know what to do. b. Every child needs to know what is expected of them, Proverbs 22.6 3. To our parents I want to ask what is your "Mission Statement"? a. To mold the way our children think and behave. To instill within them a heart to discern good from evil. 4. Why is this important? a. CEO's of companies first craft a "Mission Statement" to say why we are here and what we are going to do. b. How to do this? That is a good question! II) Instruction, Ephesians 6.4 A) Parents, time is very limited. "All I ever really needed to know I learned in kindergarten" 1. Most of our character is learned very early in life. 2. Dr. Dobson was asked by a mother of when she should start teaching her child. He asked how old the child was? The mother replied, 3 years old. He told her to go home immediately for she had already lost the 3 most important years in her child's life. 3. It is too late after they are 10 or 11 years of age. B) Do not excuse your own reluctance to discipline to train your children 1. Discipline does not immediately mean spank. It means to train and teach, disciple means a student of. 2. Some parents never get around to exercising discipline: Terrible two's are followed by the troublesome three's which leads to the feisty fours and then the fussy fives, the sassy six's, stubborn sevens, and so on. a. From there to teenagers and then to adults. b. Remember Jeb Clampid saying one of these days I'm going to have to have a good talk with that boy. 3. Regena homeschooled our children for a number of years. Some parents were amazed and said something to the effect "I could never teach my children." Such a statement means I could never communicate with my children, listen to them, and have patience with them. 4. My child is just going through a phase is often a cop out. It is your job to learn how to deal with your child. III) Time A) You must spend time with your family 1. Most families have a time crunch. Just not enough of it in the day. a. Typical day: 7 hours of school, 7 hours watching tv and/or playing computer games, 8 hours sleeping, 2 hours at baby sitter. No time is left. b. A lot of families do not spend time together even at home. 2. Quality time vs. Quantity time is a misnomer. They are linked together. a. Growing up I was interested in sports. Football, basketball, baseball, etc. but my Dad was not. b. However, every Friday afternoon we had the same routine. Get home, pack our clothes, load up the car, and go to the farm. Depending on the season I had a specific task on the farm. Either mow the yard or get in the fire wood. Then every Saturday we worked together; cutting fire wood, fencing, moving cattle, feeding cattle, etc. It was done as a family as we talked and laughed together. It was quality and quantity time. B) Time allows you to provide the example, Genesis 18.19 1. Give your children your attention -- let the dishes or clothes go, turn off the tv 2. Be a hands on parent, Luke 10.41-42. What is needed? Have your priorities right a. Lee Atwater before his death said his number one regret was not spending more time with family. b. Von was a successful business man. President of the Association of General Contractors, involved in civic activities, on a couple of local boards. He came home one night to hear his young children laughing with their mother. He opened the door to hear his 3 year old girl ask, "Who is that?" Mother, "That is your daddy." Little girl, "But I don't have a daddy." 3. A lot of our problems are our conveniences and time savers: phone, tv, car. 4. Take the time to ask questions: What are you watching? How was your day? Who are you talking to? IV) Love, Titus 2.4 A) Nurturing -- to nourish means to provide health and strength 1. What happens to a child that is never held? Never talked to? 2. Remember Abraham in Genesis 18.19 B) A positive environment is needed 1. The home is our incubator. Outside we are surrounded by negativity, profanity, crudeness, etc. We cannot control all of that but we can control our home. 2. There are different types of parents -- affectionate, passive, restrictive, cold, etc. Children need to know they are truly loved. C) Hebrews 12.5-11 have key words such as love, reverence, and peaceable fruit of righteousness. V) What About A Rebellious Child A) Depends on their age but there are certain principles that applies B) Luke 15.11-12 the home is more than one child 1. Parents must let their children suffer the consequences of their actions 2. Accept the child back as they repent, v. 17 Conclusion: The question is not why churches have lost their young people but why our homes have lost their children.
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